The Etiquette of Skrimshaw

In an entry from early 1782, Millington writes some notes about the code of etiquette governing the game of skrimshaw. These weren't hard and fast rules, but they were an unwritten (well, unwritten before Millington wrote them down) code of ethics that skrimshaw players abided by. The following is a transcript of Millington's notes on the subject.


NOTES UPON THE ETIQUETTE OF THE GAME OF SKRIMSHAW
as observed by Edgar Rutherford Millington, botswain of the Norwegain whaler Trondheim


Arguing with the Ruling Lourde
- It is unacceptable to refer to the Ruling Lourde in a derogatory way. Words that shall not be used to refer to the Ruling Lourde include, but are not limited to, the following: ninny, nincompoop, mental retard, Canadian, lily livered, sexer of men, hunchback, squid fackler, idiot, moron, coward, twerp, faggot, ratmilker, shite-eater, fairy, girlyman, or Pope Pius the First.
- A player may argue with a decision by the Ruling Lourde, but not for longer than ten seconds.
- Players may make mockery of the Ruling Lourde by use of pantomimed taunts or scowled faces, but it is acceptable for the Ruling Lourde to slap any player doing so.


Composition of Teams
- Players should not apply any type of lubricant material that would make it more difficult for an opposing player to ground them. The Ruling Lourde can sometimes eject a player for greasing himself with whale blubber, seal blood, deck varnish, or fish mucus.
- No player of Congolese extraction should measure more than a fathom and one-fifth in height.
- Finlanders are generally not trusted at the position of Dutch Clipper, though incorporation of a Fin at Dutch Clipper is sometimes used for confusatory purposes.
- No player should be currently suffering from gout, rickets, or scurvy.
- Under the bizarre circumstance in which a player hails from the isles of Oh-wyhee, that player shall periodically declare, "Take caution lads, for I am an Oh-wyhee boy!" This is done to prevent the Oh-Wyhee native from exercising his natural sneakiness and taking unfair advantage of players from more honest races.
- It is rude to rub the belly of a Chinaman for luck during a game. All agitation of the bodies of Asiatics should be completed before the contest is commenced.
- No team shall field more than four Muscovite players simultaneously, for it is well known that Muscovites roving in groups of four or more are captivated by an inclination to rape.


Celebration of Scoring
- A player scoring a freshie, saltwater halfie, or brackish quarter should perform a show of celebratory jubilation immediately afterward.
- Celebrations may include, but are not limited to: demonstrations of strength, pantomimed taunts, dances, the recitation of slogans, the imbibement of alcohlic beverages such as mead or barley beer, the summary slaughter of a baby seals or sea otters, and displays of sexual prowess.
- Failure to celebrate a score is considered unsportsmanlike, as it is an indication that scoring against the opposing team is not worth celebrating, and therefore a grave insult.
- No celebration shall involve defecation, unless deemed sufficiently hilarious.
- No member of the opposing team should interrupt or otherwise detract from the glorious jubilee of a scoring celebration.